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| Sparticrust 2 |
Born in a monastery in South Eastern Angoria, living on nothing but Christ and aphid eggs, Schultz first started showing signs of creativity. He excelled in cross stitching and pottery. As Schultz grew so did his will to be weird. Bored was he of the teachings of Christ and craft making. One day whilst milking a beast in a barn, he found a porno magazine. It was carelessly hidden under some straw. It was dated 50 years ahead of its time. Schultz figured this was a sign from God. Which God, he was not certain, but A God nonetheless. His life now had a purpose! After years of worshiping the porno magazine God and constant beast milking, his hands became cramped, resembling wretched hairy claws. The monks figured perhaps art would be a good therapy for him. They fashioned large brushes to fit in his now contorted hands. It was at this point that Schultz discovered that ART was the true God, not porn. Porn was merely a derivative, a mealy subservant of ART. ART was the true pink flesh! Porn was a gateway drug. Since then he vowed to be ARTS loyal slave, carrying out its demands, no matter how weird, degrading, or perverted they were. To this day you can see Schultz attempting to proselytize ARTS inane teachings to all heretics that cross his path. Living in squalor, abject poverty, ceaselessly humiliating himself on the steps of fascist art galleries, trying to make them see the true light. Drinketh the blood of ART!!!, and that he does, wine flowing from his mouth quivering in existential ecstasy, sacrificing his humanity, and health for the divine liar. There he twitches,Crucified to his Easel in the name of ART!
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